in which i beat the crap out of myself, and BOB, but not the Bull.

this morning, Sensei had us bring all the BOBs out onto the floor. for forty-five minutes we practiced entering techniques: advancing with combinations, like jab-reverse-shuto or (from further out) kick-jab-reverse-knee.

this was awesome.

having Tina tease me about all the little dots of blood on BOB's face and chest (after i reopened my skinned knuckle) reminded me of something odd...

two years ago i wasn't even able to hit BOB; he looked too human to me.

--

i had a fairly disturbing dream last night. i stayed in it far past my comfort zone, trying - over and over - to fix something. finally i wrenched myself awake, and laid there in the dark, saying - over and over - "Enough. Go away. Stop it. Enough. No more. Go away." it bothered me, a lot. i felt like i failed.

but when i got out of karate, this song was on the radio, and suddenly it hit me. just cause my boundries are WAY out there, doesn't mean - again - i'm not entitled to them, that i don't have them.

( even i get to say 'enough' )

--

i joined Samantha for breakfast at Panera Bread. we had another one of those ribald conversations - the ones you probably shouldn't have too loudly in a Panera Bread - while drinking massive amounts of coffee.

--

around 10, someone called for a massage.

i had a Durham Bull on my table this morning.

as i drove to the appointment, all i could think of was the movie.

--

after i got home and ate lunch, i went for a medium-length bicycle ride in which every honeysuckle and lilac in the world seemed to be calling my name.

--

now?

i really should be doing laundry, but... isn't life just too short? ;)