in which there is old news and good news.

i wrote up a lengthy post last night, about karate (how i down-blocked a kick yesterday morning that left my hand numb for a couple minutes and ended up doing over a hundred pushups because i kept dropping a/the ball), about the psychic Awareness and Protection class i went to Wednesday night (which, unfortunately, mostly addressed things i already knew about and/or have tried), about work, and about the things i've been doing lately to waste time (including watching every episode of Bones that Hulu has on tap) rather than run as much as i should be.

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my contribution to Good News Friday is GreenObamaBudget: money for the Great Lakes, money to combat Global Warming, money to help finance green technology, money to improve water and waste treatment.

just awesome.

in which there must be a way to actually heal the world.

there is something huge, just underneathe the surface of my thoughts, struggling to burst out and potentially alienate the proportion of my friends who aren't already fairly positive people. but for those reading this who try to avoid hurting others, being angry, being jealous, speaking (or even thinking) ill of people, who are hard-pressed to call people names, or wish misfortune on them - do you ever think about why we are this way, rather than not caring?

and does it ever feel futile?

for my part, long before the class of Psychic Protection the other night gave me some interesting concrete examples of bad thoughts = bad actions, i knew that wishing ill towards others was a Bad Idea. i latched onto "highest good" so fast, in part, because it enabled me to help put to bed the idea that *i* could/should judge and convict others. i knew, even, that i had to make peace with my ex, and allow him his idea of a good life, even as some part of me wondered how i could possibly just bow out and let him hurt other people, even consentually.

i've thought a lot about how i ended up in the (BDSM) scene, even for a brief period. i realize now that - in addition to indulging my need to be hurt - i was studying sadism, very like a biologist goes on safari to figure out why the lions do what they do.

but have to wonder how much of a Pollyanna i am, in that i have a very hard time imagining anyone wishing ill towards me.

Natalie and i had a great conversation the other day, over coffee. we were discussing the subject of God's will versus our own, and where evil comes from, as well as the subject of balance in the world (good/evil) versus the idea of Enlightenment (theoretically us all ending up "good").

when she asked me where i felt Nature fit into the scheme of things, i explained that i feel human beings are incredibly unnatural. that i so firmly believe in the split between heavenly/divine energy and earthly/natural energy, and our duty as humans to merge the two, to channel divine energy into the earth. i think this makes us part of the earth, yes, but as caretakers of it, not users or abusers. that if we possess an angelic spirit (or even a piece of one) we should be more compassionate than other animals, not less. not busy thinking up more ways to be cruel to one another.

i mentioned in my last post, that i'm watching a lot of the TV series Bones. it's a forensic science/crime-fighting show where the first ten minutes contain extremely realistic (and grisly) human remains. this was why it took me four years to be able to watch it; i'd turn it on (because c'mon, it's David Boreanaz), see the corpse, go "Uuuugh! Um, NO THANK YOU" and turn the station. only by catching a few episodes from the midpoint did i start to appreciate that the dialogue is incredible, the science is solid, and the acting is superb.

but the murders... my God, the killings make me sick. the only thing that allowed me to watch the show, and eventually to love the show, is that the protagonists always catch the killer. good always wins.

Pollyanna, anyone?

any yet...

it all leaves me asking... why/how/what can we do to stop the cycle? there must be a way to stop evil. to stop people from wishing ill on other people. there must be a way to actually heal this world.

there must.